YOU can get rid of your guilt from putting off fundraising and get back to the "real" work of your nonprofit!
Tired of raising money?
Fed up with being under funded?
Mystical Fundraising Consulting is here for you!!! Our system works so fast, you’ll be guilt free in less than one hour! And you won’t even have to leave your office!
Dear Friend,
You didn’t start the important work you’re doing so that you could fundraise, did you? You’re a social entrepreneur. An innovator. A thought leader. You’re a go-getter that saw a need and had the hutzpah to fill it.
Good for you!
The Problem
But now you find yourself having to fund your mission. Everyone said you were doing great work. No one mentioned someone had to pay! Rather than filling the need you started out to fill, you’re now having to:
- ask people for money, or
- send out fundraising letters (that get no response), or
- intiate walkathons, jogathons, telathons, phonathons,
- sell raffles and popcorn and wrapping paper and magazine subscriptions, or
- conduct online fundraising auctions.
Fundraising is a necessary evil that you’d just assume avoid.
The Solution
Mystical Fundraising Consulting can help you!!
Wouldn’t it be great if you could outsource your fundraising guilt? Wouldn’t having a surrogate help relieve your stress? You could blame them for the lack of results instead of doing the work yourself!
That's why I, Seymour Sukhoors, created Mystical Fundraising Consulting. We magically make your guilt go away by letting you shift that awful burden to us!!
“Thanks so much! Board meetings are so much easier now that I can blame my lack of fundraising results on you guys! It’s no longer my fault that we’re not reaching our goals.Thanks for taking the pressure off!”
--Charity Founder, East Buckfield, IL
Pay MFC oodles of money and you won’t need to do anything! For an exorbitant price, we’ll:
- take your money,
- possibly talk to your prospects,
- send you important sounding email about additional things you can buy from us,
- make you feel good about paying us again next month,
- and then tell you our contract is up.
What Will You Do With Your New Found Freedom?
Think of how free you’ll feel. The burden of fundraising will be lifted off your shoulders!
What will you do with all this freedom? Dance a jig? Write a memo? Open the door to your office? Get out and see people? Talk freely to the people that you’d wanted to give money to your cause?
Won’t it be nice to talk to people again without an alterior motive?
Who are we?
I'm Seymour Sukhoors, the CEO of Mystical Fundraising Consulting. We're a super-hyped up marketing team that's taken over promising and undelivering to new heights! We are always open to bilking people out of more of their hard-earned money and making them feel good about it!
And we can do that for you!
But Wait, There’s More!
We’ll call our product a Fabulous Fundraising Funnel to help you justify that god-awful expense to your board. And we’ll put pictures of people in stylish suits on our website to help inspire confidence in your team.
Order now!
Seymour Suhkoors
© 2000-2015
